WEIRD PARTY TRENDS IN 2010 (Lemondrop.com)

Expectant Parent "Sex (of the baby) Parties"  -- ABC News reports that some couples are choosing to discover/reveal the sex of their impending babies at a party with their friends and family. Hey! Is this really a thing? God, we hope not. Just send a birth announcement and spare us our Friday night.

"Plus One" Parties -- These awkward events involve bringing a single friend of the opposite sex whom you're not interested in as your "plus one," in the hopes that, uh, someone else will be into him. There's nothing more alluring in a set-up than the classic, "I don't want to bang this guy, but hey, maybe YOU do." Oh, but free hummus, I guess?

Divorce Parties -- This is really a trend, apparently! Along with the launch of divorce cards. What are you supposed to say at such an event? "Congratulations on your misery! No, no, sorry, I can't stay and get blitzed on cantaloupe-flavored merlot. Here's a Garfield balloon, a copy of 'Eat, Pray, Love' and some drugs left over from my wisdom-tooth surgery. Peace!"

Cuddle and Hug Parties -- Not necessarily the newest trend, but unfortunately, still making news. At these creepy to-dos, a bunch of grown people get together to experience the heaaaaaaling power of touching others without crossing any sexual boundaries, often in pajamas or yoga clothing. Gross. Want to cuddle with strangers without having sex? Go to a dive bar in a hipster neighborhood and find a needy graphic designer on SSRIs like the rest of us.

Sponsored Product Parties -- What seems like a cool way to get free stuff (and maybe a Flip cam) is actually kind of an annoying, intrusive advertising gimmick. Sign up at a site like House Party, and companies that make frozen pizza, feminine products, drink mixes, etc. will send you samples to enjoy with (their target demographic) your girlfriends. In a way, it sounds cool, because they're basically giving you free stuff in exchange for advertising their products, but a lot of these parties discourage drinking or have absurd "follow-up" requirements, like sending in interviews of your friends talking about how great panty liners are. We're not going to do that. Not without a beer or six.

Over-Inclusive, Infinite and Otherwise Excessive "Showers" -- First there was the three-part bridal shower, then the "Jack and Jill" couple's wedding shower, then the groom's shower, then the co-ed baby shower, then the "daddy shower." It would be one thing if you were just inviting us over for canapés, but "showers" imply the need to bring a gift. Or six. We're in a recession, you losers. How many presents do you want? Well, it doesn't matter. If we have to go to some party for you every two weeks, then enjoy your "gift": It's a $5 gift certificate to Subway and a hearty "Congratulations!"

Kid-Style Birthday Parties -- for grown adults. If it looks like it could be a fete for a 7-year-old (think: balloons, party hats, furry mascots), but the birthday boy is turning 40, you're there. Now all you can do is hope there's cool candy in the goodie bag.

LOVE LESSONS FROM 'MAD MEN' (YourTango.com)

1. A drink, or 10, before a date can make things seem better. Or, make it easier to hook up with your secretary.

2. There is still romance in writing. As we saw Betty Draper flirt with Henry via snail mail, it warmed out hearts and reminded us that dating can have an added flair when cards/letters are exchanged. It's nice to have things in writing, no?

3. If you hook up with the next door nanny, make sure to check with her employers first. Ahhh, Pete, thanks for giving us this wise lesson. Apparently, cheating on your wife isn't the problem, it's really that you don't want to upset the nanny so much that she leaves. Definitely a lesson to live-by when choosing who to randomly hit on.

4. If you accidentally hook up with a work colleague, you can smooth things over without directly mentioning anything. In Don's case, with $100 in cash, a meaningful look, and a glossed over thank for "being kind."

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF FACEBOOK (TheFrisky.com)

1. Thou shall not post or tag friends on embarrassing or incriminating photos.

This is what yearbooks or scrapbooks are for -- things that exist on dusty shelves for a select few to enjoy and mock -- not the internet, where potential employers and lovers can be scared away.

2. Thou shall not post photo or video updates of thy children's potty training.

Just don't. It's gross, embarrassing, and demeaning to the kids. Plus, no one cares.

3. Thou shall not use Facebook to converse with thine own significant other.

Say what you need to say in person, over the phone, on IM, or email. No one else cares or needs to follow your conversation or relationship drama/boasting.

4. Thou shall not endlessly self-promote.

A link to an article, TV appearance, or a newspaper mention every once in a blue moon is fine. A daily reminder that you need votes for the "Mad Men" walk-on part competition is just obnoxious.

5. Thou shall not propose, ask someone out, or dump anyone via wall messages or status updates.

What. Is. Wrong with people?

6. Thou shall not IM anyone you haven't spoken to in over a decade.

Once, I was browsing on Facebook and got an IM from someone I hadn't spoken to since high school. "How's it going?" he said, "What's new?"What's new? Since 1993? Um, well, I got my driver's license, for one thing. Don't put people in a position where they have to: a) quickly sum up the last decade of their lives in four or five sentences, and b) act like they care about your life.

7. Thou shall not stalk exes and/or ex's new loves.

Not only is it damaging to your own well-being, it's, like, kinda psycho. So, just don't. Go for a jog or join a book club or something.

8. Thou shall not use Facebook as a diet and workout diary.

Seriously, no one cares if you ate a salad for dinner last night and ran 3.1 miles before work this morning. Who are you trying to impress? Plus, go eat a muffin.

9. Thou shall not "spoil" TV shows in one's status update.

Rudeness!

10. Thou shall post clear, updated photos of thyself.

Why else do you think people from your past are friending you in the first place?!

SIGNS YOU'RE NOT REALLY INTO HIM (YourTango.com)

• 1. You find yourself ragging on him (a lot) more than you're raving about him.
• 2. You don't really care if he doesn't return your call, your text, your IM, or email. Or rather, you just haven't called, or texted, or IMed, or emailed.
• 3. He just doesn't cross your mind. At first or, eventually, ever.
• 4. When you ask yourself, "How would I feel if I just ... never saw Grant again?" and your answer is, "Meh." Or anything else along the I-don't-really-care lines.
• 5. It's the first night he sleeps over and you have noooo problem taking your sweet time in the bathroom doing your normal routine while he waits for you in bed -- a full 3-minute brush, your cleanse-tone-moisturize facial regimen, eyebrow maintenance, examining your pores, undereye circles and developing wrinkles.

THINGS YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH BECAUSE OF PMS (TheFrisky.com)

1. Add extra cheese on that hamburger
2. Wear leggings as pants -- or really indulge the whole plethora of elastic waistband styles
3. Get a tattoo that says "Trust No One"
4. Indulge in a $6 coffee drink
5. Give the chilling stare of doom to anyone who tries to cross you
6. Not go to the gym and not feel guilty about it
7. Watch any Meg Ryan, Cher, or Jennifer Aniston movie
8. Headbang
9. Moan, and complain
10. Flip someone off
11. Spray whipped cream directly into your mouth
12. Lay in the fetal position under your desk
13. Have a cigarette
14. Sharpen your kitchen knives
15. Give a sex rain check
16. Demand sex
17. Pick completely irrational fights
18. Eat an entire pint of ice cream
19. Jello wrestle
20. Spend way too much on clothes, shoes, a haircut and/or booze
21. Buy out all the chocolate at the newsstand
22. Cry
23. Show no mercy
24. Take a bath for an hour and a half without interruption
25. Chow down with your bare hands
26. Not pick up the phone on your mom

WHAT HIS CUDDLING BODY LANGUAGE REVEALS (Cosmopolitan)

He pulls you onto his chest -- While this dude may present himself as a tough guy, he's really a big softie. "By bringing you close to his heart, he's symbolically showing you that he's attached," explains communication expert Audrey Nelson, Ph.D., author of You Don't Say. "Holding you against a masculine part of his body -- his chest -- is also his way of letting you know he can protect you."

He spoons you -- Think about this snuggle position: curled up body-to-body, your bum pressed to him, his hands free to roam around. Hello, definitely not PG-rated! "He's a really physical person who enjoys the feeling of your form against his, and he may have a high sex drive as well," says Nelson. "But while he truly enjoys the contact of cuddling, he might not be as comfortable expressing himself emotionally." Expect him to show you his affection with his gestures and actions, rather than with words.

He puts his head in your lap -- If you're a woman who loves taking care of a guy, you've hit the jackpot. "Men who prefer this position tend to be a little needy in relationships -- they look to their girlfriends to make them feel good about themselves," explains Peter A. Andersen, Ph.D., professor of communications at San Diego State University and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Body Language.

He throws an arm around you -- "Putting one arm around you is not a very intimate move," says Andersen. "It's sort of the bare minimum -- he's doing the requisite cuddle, but without adjusting his position or comfort level at all." The good news: He recognizes that close contact is important to you and respects your needs enough to snuggle, even if it is just for your sake. At least he takes direction well when it comes to pleasing you. Give him some guidance and he'll likely get it right from then on.

THINGS SINGLE WOMEN LOVE TO HEAR (YourTango.com)

• 1. I think he's gay/intimidated. A huge part of being single is experiencing rejection. There comes a time in every single woman's life when she gets blown off by a guy she could've sworn had her twisted bed sheets in his future. This takes some clever rationalization, and a good friend might provide it thusly: "Clearly, he must be gay." He just has to be. A man who would opt for nothing sexually or romantically must not be into women at all. A close second? "He's just intimidated." Oh, how those words soothe our wounds. After all, we are far too pretty and smart for the object of our affection. One time a friend told us, "He knows you're too good for him. If you two dated, you would realize this too and dump him." Brilliant.
• 2. I wish I was single. Nothing grates on the single soul more than holidays, birthdays, weddings, family reunions and any other occasion in which hand-holding with a boyfriend with would be appropriate. But the absence of said boyfriend seems downright trivial when compared with the more vulgar displays of our coupled-up friends. Nasty fights, jealous outbursts, irrational cab-hopping, you name it, our coupled-up pals have done it in front of us. These public spats often lead to half the couple locking eyes with us and says in an even, nasty tone, "Man, I wish I was single." Single-girl schadenfreude at its best.
• 3. I was single until I was 30 (or 35, or 40. . . ). As the years pass it's easy to slide into a chilly little thought pattern that goes a little something like this: Maybe this whole everlasting love and romance thing will never happen for me. Maybe I'm just meant to be alone. Bummer, untrue, not to mention crushingly depressing. Which is why it's great to have an older friend who far surpassed you in the age department before finding The One. They can regale you in all the windy paths they took at your age -- which are bound to be worse than yours. And look at them now!
• 4. Just delete his number already. Give us some guidance, friend. Point us in a logical direction. Your sage advice will be soaked into the porous sponge of our confused mind and we will be grateful. Everyone's had a self-centered idiot jerk them around or lingered in an unhealthy courtship that just needed to end. Boy, have we ever appreciated being walked to our phone and directed to press "erase." Thank you.
• 5. I think he really likes you. After all we've been through, it's nice to know that, yes, good ones do exist. And, yes, he might even like us, too.

HOW TO AVOID BEING A CLINGER (TheFrisky.com)

Don't try too hard! It's pretty obvious to most people when someone is trying a little too hard. Try to let the conversation flow naturally and find things in common to talk about.

Self-Deprecation is a no-no: Both men and women like to be approached with confidence. If you carry yourself well, people will be attracted to that energy. Constantly talking about your flaws will end up making them more noticeable. And the more noticeable your flaws are, the more creepier you become. However, when you start telling a person that they're the answer to all your problems, you've now just crossed the line from creepy to psycho.

Don't compare them to your ex: If you are not ready to start over after a break up then its best just to give yourself some space to heal. The last thing you want to do is chat someone up and compare everything they say to your ex. This is one of the easiest ways to scare any potential soul mate far far and farther away from you. Plus, you'll quickly put the "depressed, lonely, and wacko" tag on yourself which is pretty hard to wash away.

Sometimes no is the answer: Just because you bought her a drink DOES NOT mean that she owes you the rest of her night. A polite thank you is really all that etiquette demands of a gift from a stranger. If you start acting like a stubborn, attention demanding only child, you're going to get denied and possibly have that drink thrown in your face. Avoid being that guy at the bar.

Don't use the force: Just like conversation should flow naturally, so should the casual touching that goes with having a conversation. Women are constantly told that all men everywhere are trying to put GHB in their drinks and lock them up in a basement where no one can hear you scream. So be aware of her personal space. Don't put your hands on her legs or push her through a crowd of people. If she likes you, she will let you know.

Don't follow the them everywhere they go: If you go out the to chill with your buddies, its not fun to have some crazy lady following you every where you go. After it happens 3 times, it is no longer a coincidence that you were standing out side the bathroom the moment he walks out. If you had a good talk with someone and want to see them again, then get their digits. If you can sense that they are trying to head someplace else then let them go, absence makes the heart grow fonder and you'll increase your chances of hearing from them again.

REASONS A GUY WON'T APPROACH YOU (Shine.Yahoo.com)

• You're Surrounded by Lots (I mean LOTS) of Friends: When girls are in a group, I know that I'm going to be evaluated as soon as I walk away. It's tough enough to walk up to one girl, let alone a group.
• You're Too Hot: If she's super hot, sometimes I assume I have no chance or I'm just plain intimidated. Most guys will give it the old college try though. This, by the way, is the best reason for your ego why guys aren't approaching: "I'm just so hot I'm intimidating."
• Getting Too Tipsy: One night, we were out and a girl intermittently stood up on the seat of her booth and did stripper-type dances. The guys in the bar looked, but never approached. It's tough to approach a whirling dervish and no one could take her seriously. And sometimes the "too drunk" girl gets approached by guys who are interested in one thing only.
• Looking Sloppy: I don't usually approach girls who don't look stylish and put together. Now, if you want to keep guys away from you, doing the celeb in public homeless look might be a good strategy.
• Downer Demeanor: Smiling and eye contact is inviting, while anger, and looking like you're too good for everyone drives people away. Try to give off positive vibes, and more people will approach.
• You're With Another Guy In Any Capacity: You appear to be taken if you arrive with guys, or meet guys while you're out. Guys have no way of knowing if you're with a guy. Some guys might ask, but some might just move on to someone who looks more available.
• You have a Ring: Now I'll admit that I'm clueless, even for a guy. I'm not sure about the wedding ring/engagement rules: which hand/finger gets the ring? I know one has a big diamond, and one looks like a simple ring. But unmarried women wear all sorts of rings. Your ring that looks like a wedding ring might be keeping guys away.
• You seem Busy: It's easier to approach a girl who looks bored, like she wants someone to talk to. In a caf , if she's reading a book, or has her face in her laptop, I assume she's busy and doesn't want to deal with my stupid pick up attempt. In a bar, if she seems content doing whatever she's doing, I won't want to interrupt.
• You're Literally Tough To Catch: I've devised strategic plans to make a move, waiting for a girl to go to the bar, or bathroom. But when she finally gets up she walks too fast, or takes bodyguards (tons of friends) with her. Bottom line, some women just don't give that opening physically for the approach. Remember, your migratory patterns might be exactly what that guy is waiting for, so be on the lookout when you're on the move.
• You're a Wall Flower: If you're in the corner all night, or buried behind chairs and tables, you not only cut yourself off from the rest of the world, but some guys don't want to slalom obstacles to get to you. If you want guys to approach you, you might want to move or try out some other spots.

LIES WOMEN TELL (TheFrisky.com)

"I have never nor would I ever cheat on you": If you're not watching "Tough Love: Couples," you should be. The number one cause of screaming fights? Cheating. Or, more specifically, lying about cheating. It's not easy to tell someone when you've messed up; the fallout can be brutal. Remember: What you don't know can spare you.

"I weigh [X].": Here's the thing. Women don't lie about their weight because of you. Their reasons for doing it have everything to do with them. Not all women lie about their weight, but some do, and they do it for all kinds of reasons. Because they want to weigh less, because they want to weigh more, because they're not sure and that number sounds about right. Women and their weight are a mysterious relationship with which you may not want to interfere

"Sure, you can call me.": Sometimes, when we're face-to-face with a guy, and he's asking us out on a first or for a second date, it's tough to, er, woman-up and say, "You know what? Um, no." We don't want to be heartbreakers. We want to be nice. We're sure you'll get the message when we never call you back.

"I'll be ready in a minute.": Listen, if before you left the house to go out on a date, you had to shower, shave half your body, slather yourself in moisturizer, apply 99 overpriced products, put on several layers of makeup, flat-iron your hair, pick out the perfect outfit that makes you look sophisticated/sexy/spectacular, it would take you a long time to get ready, too. So, wait.

"I don't know.": I don't know (ha!) if I'm going to get a lot of agreement on this one, but I am of the opinion that a lot of times when a woman says, "I don't know," she does, in fact, know. Women are intuitive like a nuclear power plant is radioactive, and it is upon our internal sonars that we rely. Mostly, we do know. We may

"That was delicious!" If you cooked, we don't care how it tastes. We will tell you we love it. Love us for that

"I'm fine.": I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest this is the single most common lie told by women to men. Or, you know, at the very least it's the lie I've told most often to men. We are emotional creatures! Sometimes, we get upset! Maybe it's because our Aries is in your Venus, maybe it's because we got promoted at work and we're scared as hell about living up to our own lofty goals, or maybe we're in a mood. It's up to you to figure out if you want to walk into our minefield or keep a safe distance away. Usually, your best bet is listening.

"It was on sale.": It wasn't. Deal with it.

FIVE GUYS NOT TO DATE (YourTango.com)

• Your Roommate's Boyfriend: Your roommate's boyfriend -- or anyone in a relationship with someone you know -- may be hotter than Robert Pattinson, but moving in on someone else's territory, especially when the two of you live in close quarters, is not only dangerous for your heart, but also for your home. If you move forward with this relationship, you risk turning your home life into a living hell. You have a lot to lose, and all you're gaining is a guy with pretty questionable morals.
• Your Ex: We're supposed to learn the lesson of putting our hand in the fire and getting burnt, and yet every time we hope for a different result. In these moments, it's important to remember the lengthy list of reasons you broke up in the first place.
• Your Boss: This is about the allure of power. It's hot but, if it doesn't work out, he may want you gone.
• Your Best Friend: A strong friendship should exist at the foundation of every romantic relationship, so hooking up with your best friend isn't a completely crazy notion. But if you've been great friends for five years, ask yourself -- why hasn't it already happened? Chemistry is usually undeniable.
• Your Vacation Romance: You're leaving on a jet plane, don't know when you'll be back again, and then bam! Suddenly, your last-minute fling has morphed into big-time love. Planning for or being on a vacation puts you in an adventurous and impulsive mood: perfect for romance. Because you initially get into it thinking that there's a set expiration date, you're less critical of the other person's flaws.

HOW TO BE A GOOD MATCHMAKER (YourTango.com)

Determine which of your friends are ready for serious dating or a relationship. Sure, the woman who just broke up with her boyfriend of three years is desperate to replace his companionship, but that doesn't mean you should set her up before she's even emptied a tissue box. In the same way, don't sick your womanizing male friend on female acquaintances who want and are ready for a long-term relationship. Instead, keep an eye out for friends who are comfortable dating, who will take your choice seriously, and who won't be too devastated (or upset at you) if the matchmaking doesn't work out.

Lock down the logistics. If you're going to set two people up, make sure they can realistically date each other. Do they live near each other? Do they work similar hours? Do they share the same religious beliefs? As tempted as you are to set up Andrew from DC with Sally who lives in LA, it might have to wait until one or the other moves cross-country.

Figure out whether your friends are open to being matched up. Some people hate being set up, so respect their wishes and hold back if they insist on being left alone. Still, if you're convinced that you've found the perfect match for that person, evaluate his or her reasons for not wanting to be set up and see if you can't (gently) urge them into it. If your guy friend is jaded after going on 10 blind dates in a row, offer to buy him a meal if the next one ends in disappointment. If your gal pal is going through a major career change and isn't looking to date at all right now, however, you might want to set your sights elsewhere.

Work with their types -- or not. If you know your friends at all, you'll have an idea of how compatible they actually are with their type. Don't be afraid to set up your blonde-loving male friend with your brunette co-worker; it may only take one to convert him! Keep in mind that types don't always match up with relationship compatibility. On the flip side, don't set up two people with completely different goals and interests as a half-baked science experiment.

Be a salesperson. Hey, we're not saying that people are commodities here, but do present them in the most appealing light possible without giving away all of the surprises. Let her know that he also works in finance, or that he also grew up in a one-parent household, but keep mum about their shared love for Motown. Some things are best left discovered via natural chemistry.

Be the cheat sheet. Once your friends agree to a blind date, prep them to minimize the awkwardness of meeting for the first time. You can even help the guy plan his date according to the woman's interests. If they're both a fan of concert dates, say so. If one of them is a vegetarian, say so. If he's thinking of taking her on an outdoors date, but it's spring and she's allergic to pollen, SAY SO.

Be smooth. If you decide to have the pair meet in a public, casual setting, such as a party, introduce them in a way that doesn't make it blatantly obvious to everyone around that you're trying to set them up. Don't push them together and then run off giggling to the punch table as names are being exchanged. Nor should you shove your guy friend toward a bunch of girls (or vice versa) without permission. While you might think you're doing people a favor by "spontaneously" matchmaking them, there's a chance they'll feel pimped out instead of presented. Instead, tell your friends ahead of time (and individually) about the people you have in mind for them and, once they agree to meet, let them have a little time to mentally prepare.

Back off. Woohoo, your friends hit it off! You're a pro! Your work is done, so leave them alone and let the relationship grow organically. You're a matchmaker, not a meddler, and the less pressure they feel to like each other, the more likely it is that they will.

Follow up. Of course, you'll want to know how the first couple of dates went. After that, check up on the couple every now and then. Don't ask about every little detail, because they'll either feel suffocated or they'll start depending on you to help maintain the relationship (since you "started" it). Now that the matchmaking's over, you're free to just be a friend, so sit back and hope for happily-ever-after.

Trying to figure out the best time to broach a touchy subject, or ask your guy a favor, or convince him to do something you know he'll dread? It's easier than you think if you learn how to tune in to his body clock, says Gabrielle Lichterman, co-author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals About Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential.

1. If you need his help moving, fighting, or fixing something ...

Ask: from 9 a.m.-noon. Guys wake up bursting with testosterone, and this surge in hormones makes him ambitious and determined. This is the perfect time to ask him for a favor, particularly one that makes him feel like Mr. Fix-It.

2. If you want to get him to agree to your plans ...

Ask: from 3-4 p.m. This late-afternoon window is the perfect opportunity since his super-low testosterone levels will make him mellow and agreeable to pretty much anything you throw on the table.

3. If you want to broach a touchy topic ...

Ask: from 8-10 p.m. At this hour, the hormone oxytocin -- aka the "cuddle hormone" due to its intimacy-inducing effects -- is on the rise in his bloodstream. That means this is a prime time to resolve a lingering spat ("It hurt my feelings when you didn't call today") or get a grievance off your chest ("Will you please shave your goatee?").

WHAT MAKES A GUY 'UNDATEABLE'? (Lemondrop.com)

The authors of the new book, "Undateable," gave men citations for a lot of things that had us giggling in recognition (like "sunglasses indoors").

So true. Though it should be noted we have no beef with the former. Also on the list: guylights (men with highlights ... or lowlights), makeup (we couldn't agree more), big bad boxy polyester tops, mullets, sleeveless T-shirts, gold chains, fauxhawks, walking shoes and knee socks. Theirs is a fairly exhaustive list, but, having a rich dating history of our own, it wasn't hard to jot down 10 more things men do that eliminate the need for chastity belts. Read on, then, please, and by all means add your own. The men of America need guidance.

Speedos: OK, this also made "Undateable"'s list, but we feel the need to reiterate, as it was the first Tourette's-like exclamation out of our mouths. Even if you're European. With a god-like body. You can't get away with wearing the bottom half of a bikini on a beach. The same effects it has on your man sack, boys, the Speedo has on a girl's libido.

Mr. Have You Met My Chest?In other words, the guy who stubbornly (and regretfully) refuses to ever button his two top buttons. The fact remains: However smooth or hairy, bare chests are tacky. You're not in GQ, and nobody wants to see those curlicues God gave you -- especially at a restaurant.

Super-Dirty Baseball Caps: Yeah, we get that it's your lucky hat. All we're saying is, hose it down every once in a while. Otherwise, we assume your head smells. And you can imagine where we go from there. Besides, all you have to do is stick the stinking thing in the dishwasher. (You're welcome.)

Bad Spellers: We solemnly swear it's impossible to swoon when a guy doesn't know the difference between "definitely" and "defiantly." In fact, when one of our former dates said he was "defiantly" looking forward to seeing us on the night that would have been date three, he didn't so much as get to first base.

Tween Texters: Guess what? The same way 90 percent of communication is nonverbal, 90 percent of how far we're going to go with you has already been decided by the time we arrive at a date, and a lot of that depends on your ability to communicate. Listen: Use words. If u text us 2 meet up 2 nite, we'll assume you're in eighth grade, and, dude, that ain't legal.

Guys Who Order Salads: Thing is, we're having the ribs -- and if you have no appetite at dinner, we can only imagine what you'll be like in bed.

Guys Who Wear Rings: Class ring, my-ass ring. This is just not attractive. In fact, a dude with brass knuckles would come closer to depantsing us than any guy who adorns any of his digits with anything but a wedding ring. Though those have occasionally been known to get us hot.

Guys Who Can't Grow a Mustache: Just give it up. It's the rare man who can pull off facial hair to begin with, and being in the running means you have to be able to grow it in the first place. Besides, that patchy little thing above your upper lip looks like a Chia Pet that didn't take. Just not hot.

Shiny, Pointy Shoes: The Wicked Witch of the West called: She wants her footwear back! This we plain can't figure out. Do dudes in these shoes think they're Don Corleone? Or that we'll think they're high rollers? Thing is, we're girls -- we know what feet are shaped like, and that silhouette isn't doing you, or our inner lust-o-meter, any favors.

Men Who Don't Like Animals: C'mon, a brine shrimp? How about a lizard? You must like something. But the bottom line is, if you're not feeling the love for something as undyingly loyal as a dog, we flat-out don't trust you.

13 SIMPLE PHRASES TO IGNITE HER PASSION:

1. "I'm so glad . . . "
2. "I understand . . . "
3. "Let me tell you . . . "
4. "Let's talk about . . . "
5. "I've been fantasizing . . ."
6. "I'm taking you . . . "
7. "I'll draw you . . . "
8. "You deserve . . . "
9. "I adore . . . "
10. "I've always thought . . . "
11. "Let's show the kids . . . "
12. "I'll meet you . . . "
13. "Let me . . . "

WHY MEN PREFER WOMEN WITH A DARK SIDE (Marie Claire)

WOMEN WITH A DARK SIDE . . .

. . . SEEM HARDER TO GET: "Women with a dark side bring out some protective paternalistic instinct -- which leads me to pursuing them in a way that borders on the obsessive--which inevitably causes them to reject me. That, in turn, leads to mania on my part."

. . . SEEM MORE INTERESTING: "Girls with a dark side are more exciting. They're the opposite of the docile, passive, 'good girl' who may be a great mother someday but is a boring girlfriend or fling. Plus, their interest in us suggests we, too, have some intriguing contours."

. . . MAKE MEN THINK THEY'RE BEING USED: "They give us the feeling that we're being objectified somehow, or 'used'--which is a rarity for men, and can be an ego trip."

. . . SEEM MORE WORDLY AND WISE: "I want to point out that when I say 'dark,' I don't necessarily mean a woman who wears a lot of black leather and has tattoos. But I do prefer women who are capable of skepticism, even cynicism, because that signals they don't accept the obvious, superficial "truths" we are taught to believe. They question conventional wisdom. They aren't so much negative as authentic in the way they choose to approach cultural and political ideals.

. . . INSPIRE RESCUE FANTASTIES: "If we can win the bad girl over, then we get to enact our fantasies of being the one to rescue her from the cruel world. This kind of fantasy is more commonly associated with women--it's fairly common that you hear about a female who is trying to save a screwed-up man--but certain men are into that kind of thing too."

. . . SEEM MORE PROMISCUOUS: "I assume that girls who have experienced existential angst are going to be sluttier, and more into some of the same unhealthy lifestyle choices I make at times: drinking too much, doing drugs, that kind of thing."

THE 5 TEXTS YOU JUST CAN'T DELETE (CollegeCandy.com)

The Sweet Text from your Ex: "hey babe. cant wait for tonite. love u and miss u. It's a reminder that the jerk we broke up with really was a nice guy, despite it all. He was capable of saying cute things every now and then, he was romantic when it counted, and those cute texts really had the power to make a sh*tty day wonderful (and okay, maaaybe we also have a slight fear of never having a boyfriend again, so we keep this text as a constant reminder that, hey, at least somebody loved us once).

The Barely Comprehensible Drunk Text from your BFF: gomg so ducking drunk. Wher? are u. did I just make out with dave in front of everybodny?its just too fun to whip this one out at brunch the next morning and read aloud to your best friend as she buries her face in shame. We look at these hilarious texts during our Wednesday four-hour bio labs to remind us that the weekend will make all the hard work we're doing now totally worth it. But most of all, we keep these texts because it's a reminder that no matter how wasted she was or who she was with when she typed it out, she still had you as a priority, and that's what a best friend is all about.

The Cheesy Yet Cute Text from Your Rents: Hi honey! Miss u! Hope u r having a good week! Talk 2 u soon! I luv u! When everything is going wrong and it seems like the world hates you, at least you can always read that text and know that Mom or Dad love you, no matter what. And its always amusing to see that they typed Πinstead of to. They must think they are soooo hip.

The Hilarious Booty-Call Text from Some Dude: hey lets meet up. ur sex is on fire.OMG this one is just.too.good. Out of context, we realize just how ridiculous this random dude is; he really expects us to go hook up with him just because he tapped out a lazy text and recited some song lyric??? If anything, we keep this one just to remind us on our fat day that, yeah, were hot, and yeah, some guy does want to make out with us, no matter how lame he is.

The Thank You Text from Someone Who Needed Us: hey i just wanna say thanks for last night, i dont know how i would have made it home without u.We save this one because it reminds us how good it feels when we are that person to help someone in need. Whether we were holding someones hair back while they puked into the toilet, or holding someone upright as we walked them home from an epic party, weve all been there. It feels nice to look back on the gratitude every now and then, even if you didnt know the person very well. And its also a reminder that one of these days we are going to be the ones waking up still drunk at 3PM and sending out the same text to someone who helped us the night before. Sometimes youre the drunken mess and sometimes youre the hero -- and its nice to be the hero!

18 Reasons to Love Being Single: In case you need a reminder, here are several reasons why being unattached totally rocks. (Cosmopolitan.com)

FASHION TRENDS MEN HATE SEEING ON WOMEN (TheFrisky):

• Uggs, Duh: Fifty-seven percent of dudes rated these the most hated item of clothing ever. We get it. Huge clompy boots that look like they were made for cartoon characters aren't attractive. Next.
• Neon Anything: So random, but a whopping 73 percent thought the recent neon fashion trend moment blew the hugest chunks ever. Weird.
• Jeggings: This stat kind of cracks us up: "Just over half of the men disliked the fashion phenomenon of Jeggings (leggings-jeans). Just 21% liked the look, while a third didn't even know what they were." Ignorance is bliss?
• Too Much Makeup: While 68 percent of men said they were anti too much war paint, 20 percent said some makeup was better than none at all. Alrighty then. Good to know.
• Leg Warmers: We were a little surprised to read that leg warmers were dissed by 30 percent. Interesting. They seem kind of cute and sexy to us.
• Harem Pants, Obviously: Thirty-eight percent of men said "Hell no" to harem pants. Yeeahhh, nothing's shocking there.
• Crappy Tattoos: When it comes to ink, 44 percent of men weren't feeling the idea of tattoos on women because they thought either the designs sucked or were tacky. On the other hand, a third of the men liked tattoos and 23 percent said they could take 'em or leave 'em.

DATING MYTHS SINGLE WOMEN CONTINUE TO FALL FOR (Huffington Post)

• He's intimidated by you: Successful women "will tell themselves that the reason the object of their affection isn't responding to their flirtation is because he's just overawed by their credentials, looks, or financial standing." This simply isn't true and that even the "mousiest" men will "discover his inner manly man when he sees a woman he wants to be with."
• Women love men who treat them like crap: "That may be true for a minority, but women with high self-esteem find adoring, persistent and respectful attention an incredible turn-on."
• It's what's on the inside that counts: "Before you have a heart attack, let me emphasize that it IS what's on the inside -- your essence, your spirit, your intellect -- that a man falls in love with, and that is all important when it comes to building a relationship and sustaining it over the long run, especially during hard times. But unfortunately, this "truth" can become a myth, when we use it to dismiss the importance of looking our best when it comes to attracting men. In addition to diet and exercise, this includes making an extra effort to look pulled together, feminine and sexy.
• He's teasing you because he likes you: "While it may have been true for young boys, still developing emotionally and sexually, a grown man who tries to put you off balance with verbal sparring on the first few dates doesn't really care that much about you -- or is playing games, which amount to the same thing."
• It doesn't matter what night he wants to see you -- Thursday, Friday, Monday, Wednesday, Saturday, whatever -- only THAT he wants to see you: "If he's not seeing you on Saturday, he's seeing someone else -- or looking for someone he WOULD want to see on Saturdays, and every other day, in perpetuity."

I think I agree with all of them except maybe Justin Long and Joaquin Phoenix...The top ten were as follows:

1. Gary Busey 
2. Kevin Spacey
3. Justin Long
4. Paul Giamatti
5. Philip Seymour Hoffman
6. Randy Quaid
7. Michael Moore
8. Mickey Rourke
9. Joaquin Phoenix
10. John C. Reilly

WHY HAPPY HOUR IS GOOD FOR YOU (AskMen.com)

• Break your routine: Weekdays can get monotonous: gym, work, home, dinner, TV, bed, repeat. Break up the everyday with a few drinks at happy hour. Research proves that everything from self-esteem to personal relationship to happiness in one's career can benefit from switching up your day-to-day from time to time.
• Outsmart rush hour: Find a bar close to work and socialize rush hour away. Waiting a couple hours before the commute home will thin the herd and help you avoid an end-of-the-day headache.
• The best time for a cocktail: Nights that begin with a buzz are just better. Network TV, walking the dog and house chores are more interesting after two Manhattans.
• Become a regular: Sometimes the most rewarding relationship is one with a bartender. If you become a "regular," a bartender will regularly hook you up with cheap drinks, reduced tabs and inside information about the hot single waitress or female patron. The easiest way to establish "regular" status is happy hour: the bar tends to be quiet, the bartender isn't stressed and he is happy to shoot the breeze.
• Drinks specials: This point is the most obvious, but it doesn't make it any less true. While politicians boast the recession is ending, that doesn't make the day-to-day any easier right now. Most people are not out of the woods yet and need to save money.
• Bond with coworkers: Getting to know Larry from accounting or Louise from sales will not happen during work hours. It also won't happen at company picnics, parties or team-building exercises. Most employees keep their professional masks on for anything involving their jobs. Once you connect with coworkers at happy hour, your job will be more fun because friends surround you, friendly rivalries are built and you'll learn how to exploit them for your own benefit.

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